Be a First Date Pro…

23 06 2009

First dates aren’t easy. You want to take her somewhere original, but you also want her to be comfortable. You want to show her you’re a fun guy, but you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. It’s a balancing act. Further complicating matters, women rarely tell you what they want or what they’re thinking.

That’s where AHR comes in: Your friends at AHR have compiled all the information you need to find ‘Miss Right’ in the Black Book. In this rule refresher, we’ll take a few tips from the Book to get you started. We’ll cover topics like the best first date locations and the conversation topics you must avoid on a first date.

Things women expect on a first date

The Black Book identifies seven things women expect on a first date. Want to be a first date pro? First step: Be polite. That means no talking with your mouth full and no foul language. That said, don’t go overboard. Open the door for her, but don’t go pulling her chair out for her. You want to look like a gentleman, not a servant.

You also don’t want to monopolize the conversation. As Book says: “You’re nervous and trying to make sure that she thinks you’re better (and more original) than the last guy who showed up at her door. The result can often be you talking about all the things you’ve accomplished while neglecting to ask her about her interests.”

Choosing the right location

If you want to be a first date pro, choosing the right first date location is absolutely essential. For this section of our rule refresher, we’ll draw from the Top 10 Dating Faux Pas section of The Book to help you avoid picking a bad venue. You know you can’t take her to a fastfood joint, but you need to recognize that you can’t take her somewhere too expensive either: “Women want something that’s not too cheap and not too expensive, but just right — a place that falls in between fancy and cheap, so that it doesn’t look like you’re trying too hard or like you’re not trying hard enough.” So, if you’re taking her out to eat, pick a place that’s romantic without being too ritzy.

Conversation tips

The most intimidating part of a first date is keeping the conversation going. The Book provides 10 first date conversation tips that will help you be a first date pro. For example, the Book suggests you avoid talking about her romantic past. You don’t want her thinking about her exes while she’s out with you.

You might also want to avoid asking about her parents on your first date. It’s unlikely, but it’s possible she has a strained relationship with one or both of them. If you want to talk about family, ask about brothers and sisters instead: “Sisters and brothers usually trigger good feelings and score points for you since you’re showing a caring side and an interest in her family life.” Follow these conversation tips and you’re on your way to being a first date pro.

Tips for a blind date

A blind date is significantly different from a regular first date. It requires special techniques if you’re going to achieve success. Recognize that eliminating awkwardness is your primary objective. You don’t know this girl and she doesn’t know you. You therefore have to create conditions that will make her feel comfortable. Women don’t like the idea of being alone with a stranger, so take your blind date to a crowded location. Also, consider taking her out for drinks rather than dinner, that way if things aren’t going well, one or both of you can leave quickly.

Second date success

The success of a second date, much like a first date, depends upon carefully orchestrated conversations. Recall topics of conversation from your first date: You’ll score points for paying attention. You should also use very particular phrasing to pique her interest. The Book suggests you make her feel wanted, not needed, by saying things like: “I think you are so much fun,” rather than, “Wow. You are so much fun.” This subtle difference communicates that you like her, but you aren’t in awe of her.

~if you would like more information on The Black Book or anything within the Xes section, please contact AHR at “?”~



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