Top 10: First Date Faux Pas

23 06 2009

If you want to pass the first date test, be sure not to commit any of these 10 crimes, all of them heinous in women’s eyes.

First date faux pas - Credit: iStockPhoto.com
Women are harsh critics, and being critical is exactly what they do on a first date. They analyzing your clothing, your table manners, what you say, and what you don’t say. If you want to pass the test (and advance to date number two), be sure not to commit any of these top 10 first date crimes.

Number 10

Being a knight in shining armor

You pick up your date and hand her a dozen red roses. “Your chariot awaits,” you say as you race ahead to get the car door for her… the first of many doors. In your world, chivalry is not dead — it’s very much alive and requires you to open every single door for her. Well, I hate to shatter your Prince Charming dreams, but women don’t expect you to be a doorman. In fact, this can be downright annoying. Of course, they don’t want a heathen who shovels food into his mouth, talks with his mouth full and keeps his elbows on the table either. That’s just plain rude (and a major turnoff). What they do want is something in between: not a knight in shining armor or a slob, but a gentleman.

Number 9

Choosing a bad venue

You’ve offered to pick the restaurant, so which one do you choose?
a) Fast food joint
b) Happy hour at Hooters
c) Fancy schmancy restaurant (where entrees start at $50)
d) None of the above

If you answered d) None of the above, give yourself a pat on the back. That’s the winning ticket. The other options serve a purpose, but they’re not appropriate first date venues. A fast food joint tells her you’re cheap, Hooters tells her you’re a pervert (even though they do have great chicken wings) and fancy schmancy tells her you’re a show off. Women want something that’s not too cheap and not too expensive, but just right —  a place that falls in between fancy and cheap, so that it doesn’t look like you’re trying too hard or that you’re not trying hard enough.

Number 8

Being wishy-washy

When she asks where you want to go for dinner, you hem and haw and eventually say, “Doesn’t matter.” And then at dinner, you spend hours deliberating over the menu and end up asking the waitress what she recommends. Wrong and wrong. Women don’t want a spineless guy who can’t make a decision to save his life. They want backbone, they want direction, they want confidence. In fact, some women rate confidence higher than appearance and sense of humor, so make sure you show her you’ve got lots of it — just try to avoid being overly confident to the point of arrogance.

Number 7

Getting transfixed by TV

You’re listening intently as she goes on about her sister who just got accepted to the Peace Corps and her brother who’s doing his Master’s in chemical engineering. While you’re honestly enthralled by the conversation, you briefly glance at the TV perched behind the bar for one teeny tiny second… and you get busted! You might not think it’s a big deal (come on, you barely looked), but to her it’s huge. Why? Because even though you were listening intently, she takes your sneak peek as a screaming sign that you’re not interested. There goes date number two. The easiest way to avoid the TV trap is by not picking a place with TVs in the first place, and if you do wind up at a sports bar, strategically position your chair so you won’t be tempted.

Number 6

Being too honest

Okay, so you just got out of rehab, but there’s not need to share this tidbit of information with your date (at least not if you want to see her again). Not saying you should lie (honesty is the best policy), but you don’t have to tell her everything. That includes DUIs, divorces, speeding tickets, minor indictments, depression meds, the fact that you still live with mom, or that case of syphilis from a couple of years back (which hopefully has cleared up). There may be a time to come clean, but it’s definitely not on the first date. At least let her get to know you first before you start dropping truth bombs. Just remember: She probably has a few skeletons in her closet that she’s not revealing just yet either.

Number 5

Constantly interrupting

She mentions that she’s been to England. You jump in to say that you’ve been too. She goes on to say that she loves Coldplay. You jump in again to say that you saw them live at Coachella and they were great. Well, stop right there and bite your tongue. Yes, shared interests are a must, but there’s no need for you to keep interrupting her. Not only is it impolite, it tells her that you’re more interested in hearing your own voice than hers. Instead, wait till she’s done and then wow her with your similarities. Your politeness will be duly noted.

Number 4

Dressing inappropriately

Before stepping out the door on your big date, you give yourself the once over. Your Delhi Daredevils jersey/baseball cap/shorts/slippers combo (all clean and wrinkle-free) doesn’t look too bad, if you do say so yourself. Well, think again. Unless you’re taking her to a ball game (which is a totally acceptable first date venue, by the way), leave your sports jersey at home. Women put a lot of thought into their first date outfit — a lot. Heck, they probably even went out and bought a whole new ensemble for the occasion. And while they don’t expect you to invest in new digs, they do expect you not to under-dress (see above outfit) or over-dress (three-piece suit or tuxedo). That said, there are certain articles of clothing that are always off limits. These include socks with sandals, dark shoes with white sport socks, too-tight jeans and jean shorts.
First date mistakes - Credit: Pixland

Number 3

Touching on taboo topics

Just in case you’ve been living under some rock (or have been out of the dating race for a while), the taboo topics for first date conversations are as follows: ex-girlfriends, past heartbreak, religion, politics, and money. This last one is especially important because, contrary to popular opinion, all women are not after your dough. In fact, yapping about it (in particular, how much you make and how much you have), could send your date running for the hills. Show us what your worth (and we don’t mean in a monetary sense), don’t tell us about it. Same goes for name-dropping and bragging. Leave it for the locker room where it belongs.

Number 2

Staring at the waitress

It’s not your fault the waitress is smokin’ hot or wearing a V-neck down to her navel, but under no circumstance should you acknowledge this. No lingering leers, quick looks down her top or flirting. None whatsoever. First of all, no matter how discreet you think you are, your date will notice. Secondly, women want to believe that you’re with them because you want to be with them. Sure, they know that you’d opt for a Playboy model given the chance (just like they’d take Brad Pitt any day of the week), but Pamela Anderson is just a fantasy girl. The waitress, however, is all too real. When you acknowledge her hotness right in front of our eyes, you’re showing disrespect — a big no-no.

Number 1

Getting loaded

You want to have a good time, and more importantly you want to show her a good time, so what do you do? You order a couple rounds of tequila shots. Tequila equals fun, right? Wrong. This is not a bachelor party, it’s a first date, and whether you like it or not you’re under strict observation. Having a couple glasses of wine with dinner is one thing, but getting drunk or plying her with alcohol is another — unless you want her to think you’re still a frat boy who hasn’t grown up. And if you’re driving, don’t even think about having more than two drinks. Safety first.

honorable mention

Texting up a storm

Everyone knows that cell phones are off limits (unless it’s work-related, in which case warn your date in advance). Well, texting may not get as much air time, but it’s just as bad. It tells your date that she’s not the most important person in the room (or in your mind), and shows her that you can’t shut the world out for one measly date. If you start to go into withdrawal, you can try and sneak in a quickie while she’s in the bathroom, just make sure you don’t get caught. That will make you seem sneaky and self-absorbed. To avoid temptation, your best bet is to ditch your Blackberry altogether. Out of sight, out of mind.

~if you would like more information on The Black Book or anything within the Xes section, please contact AHR at “?”~


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