Shiney Ahuja

26 06 2009

You have probabily heard about it by now; Bollywood actor Shiney Ahuja was arrested on the charge of allegedly raping his 18-year- old maid and remanded to police custody till June 18 after preliminary medical tests indicated she was sexually assaulted.

Is this true? Were there clues? Do we even care? Here are three reasons why Shiney Ahuja is guilty.

The Claim

The Big Question here is, why didnt anyone realise it before? Ahuja clearly suffers from a medical condition called “Rape Face-itis”. This rare disease is a crucial factor in determining whether an individual is an rapist or not. Look at his face. Just look at it……yes…we know…we’ve seen it too. It makes us sick. He probabily has raped multiple people, on multiple occasions, repeatedly. This is the first factor that he cannot, and will not be able to deny…he has the Rape Face.

You, your children, and your dog

The Name

Oh..the name you ask? Shiney…thats the one. Who in their right mind would call their child “Shiney“. He clearly does not illuminate, at all, not even a bit. So there it goes. This guy’s human for God’s sake, not a light bulb. He stated that he is “innocent, and loves his family very much”.

How much credibility would you give to a guy called Shiney? We wouldnt trust a word he said, he name’s Shiney.

The Fame

Hmmm. When was the last time you gave up paying your bills to go see a movie with Shiney Ahuja. Lets see…14+7.8…divided by 38.5%…over 19/5…=NEVER.

His movies flop..nay..sink. You cant take your family to see them. You cant take your girlfriend to see them. You cant take yourself to see them. The only people who actually watch his movies are rapists. Yes..other get ideas..for…rape. A tip for the Police…..go to any movie starring Ahuja, and arrest everybody there. That’ll keep the streets safe.

Shiney Ahuja is a rapist. He has the face of a rapist. He has the name of a rapist. His movies are for rapists. Get this guy behind bars, or he’ll end up raping You…Your children…and your Dog.

You wouldnt want Shiney Ahuja to rape your dog now would you?



2 responses

29 06 2009

again, who are you to state that he is the rapist?
The police forces are appointed to look after it. You need to give your opinion and not pass a judgement.


30 06 2009

This article is ‘the opinion’.
He was remanded to judicial custody till July 2, while medical reports already indicate his predicament. The DNA Report has conclusively proved that Shiney Ahuja did, infact, rape and assault his maid: source The Times of India

The Hindustan Times quotes that “Ahuja’s DNA samples were found in the maid’s vaginal swabs’s+DNA+found+in+maid’s+swab+samples

DNA profiling is an irrefutable evident in the Adversarial Judicial System and the Indian Penal Code in present times. Being used for 23 years, no research has proved DNA evidence incorrect, inaccurate or otherwise faulty.

This article was thoroughly researched, analysed and the only the most suitable information has been presented in a satirical manner. Then only did we go, at length, to state that Shiney Ahuja is a rapist. And I am sure that we all know the efficacy of the Indian Police Force, so we’d rather not leave anything to them.

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