RPL-Downtown Showdown

29 06 2009

From the TV, to newspapers to the radio…one particular aspect seems to be omnipresent. Rape. Yes..we said it. Rape…

For some unprecedented cause, Rape seems to be prevalent in our society. From high profile actors such as Shiney Ahuja, to small time crook/singer Kala Nizampuri and ofcourse, the wanna-be rapist The Star News Guy..rape is everywhere.

Simply put. It shouldn’t be. There are already enough sick perverted bastards around, and rape shouldn’t be the next big thing. They seem to have made a game out of it. And that is where AHR comes in.

A faux-championship of our own, the RPL is infact a rather comprehensive summary of the most screwed up, demoralised individuals that roam the streets. Today, we shall take a deeper look into the creme de la creme of filth.

It has been decided by officials that the winner of the 2008-09 Raping Premier League is Kala Nizampuri. This recent win by Kala is another in a series of amazing feats, narrowly beating none other than Shiney Ahuja by 2 points.

Kala Nizampuri

Some call him the original rapist..the legend..who single handily changed the sport of rapi

ng. He has over 100,000 career rapes, and has won the RPL a record- 20 times. In a recent poll, he was named the rapist of the millennium

The Beginning
Born into a poor family in Baljeet Nagar, Kala is the son of part time rapist. After 10 minutes of his birth, he raped the midwife. It was much later that the doctors diagnosed him with 4th Degree Rape-Itis. In due time he turned Pro at age 5, reaching a century at 6. He then went on to create history by winning his first RPL at age 12.

The Era
From household to household, from street to street, Kala Nizampuri became a legend at 18, when he won RPL for 5 successive seasons. An adult now, his demeanor became stereotypical for image of a rapist…he was built like an ox and carried a permanent scowl. At age 23 he reached his ‘peak’ when he won RPL for the 10th th time. At that time, he was wanted by the Interpol, CIA and the CLIT. India, Tibet and Nigera are ven said to have released a stamp in his honor. During that time he raped everything… cats, dogs, camels, whales, himself. He even holds a distinction of being only person to rape a plant (even though the process in question is elusive ). He achieved a cult following when he raped Queen Elizabeth. He is inspiration of many characters on Celluloid, and is said that the rapist character which Raj Babbar portrays is based on Kala. Apart from that, he is a good humanitarian..having started an organisation to help rape victims..and has never killed any himself. He also holds patent for Rape Pants©, which supposedly helps rape.

He announced that he shall retire from Professional rape after 08 -09 season.
The Season
Pre season saw Kala in poor form, he was last seeded, but due his endevour he won the RPL for 20th time. Now, he is fully devoted to his philantrophic work, charity and the people. Kala has been linked to be signed as the coach for the Baweja Raping Team, post season.

The Contenders..

Shiny Ahuja
Voted the next big thing , this former actor was acquainted to the sport during shoot of his C grade film Hawas, since then there was no looking back. He turned Pro within 3 months and recently completed his century. Playing in the big leagues, acting is just a vocation, recently

he has reached legendary status..when a raping technique was named after him ‘The Shiney’…this technique involves making the victim watch one his flop film, victim doses off and then is subsequently raped.  Due to his arrest, he had to pull out of RPL in 09 but Shiney vows to return in top form next season.

The Star News Guy
Contrary to popular belief,  the Star News Guy is not a rapist. But he looks like one. He is, infact, a hermaphrodite.


AHR is no way condones the act of rape, is not associated with rapism, nor does it condone rape-itis. These individials are clearly the scum of society, and if such acts continue, there would indeed be a need for a RPL. We do not glorify rape, nor intend to do so, merely views the current social situation from a satirical standpoint. We hope to make people aware of such occurences, and to take a stand against it.



6 responses

29 06 2009

rape is an uncalled for issue
ahr and rape dont match

29 06 2009

True…it shouldn’t match with anything. This article is a mockery of the rape in our society, not glorifying it. Care to read; Wreck of the Week: Shiney Ahuja (around the same topic) plus the article Disclaimer. That should clarify the viewpoint.

Wreck of the Week

2 07 2009

-in response to appie
relax bro
its jst a funny joke
stp takin rape so seriously
unless ur a rapist lol :D

29 06 2009

what you are saying is right. Making people aware about happenings is what ahr does. Where is the need to write -‘After much ado, it has been decided by officials that the winner of the 2008-09 Raping Premier League is Kala Nizampuri. This recent win by Kala is another in a series of amazing feats, narrowly beating none other than Shiney Ahuja by 2 points.’
Rape aint an award winning issue. Having added this line can lower AHR’s standards.

I have nothing against it.I am an daily ahr visitor, thought i should give in my suggestions.
RPL-downtown showdown is not very good for your site.

30 06 2009

Your concerns are justified, and the misunderstandings have been amended.


The AHR Team

4 07 2009

the blog should have more insight on kala’s history like, his first rape victom was a utencil seller living in anand parvat near west patel nagar!….

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